if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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