life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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