we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
