she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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