Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize