When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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