How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize