i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
