just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
