So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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