he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
