What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
