Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
