Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
