fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
