My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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