nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
