you guys were way drunker than both of me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1