Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.

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  (816): I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery. http://tfl.nu/2bt2
  Replies (1) Good night (980) Bad night (489)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne

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  (734): smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne http://tfl.nu/p5m6
  Replies (2) Good night (1085) Bad night (417)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.

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  (479): Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits. http://tfl.nu/uo57
  Replies (13) Good night (554) Bad night (3023)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother

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  (319): Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother http://tfl.nu/j9lt
  Replies (20) Good night (3351) Bad night (1114)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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  (516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay
  Replies (12) Good night (1698) Bad night (6687)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.

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  (949): I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door. http://tfl.nu/w7kk
  Replies (14) Good night (3922) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.

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  (+44): I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka. http://tfl.nu/sj2z
  Replies (6) Good night (3163) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"

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  (980): Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened" http://tfl.nu/41rs
  Replies (12) Good night (3164) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that

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  (805): If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that http://tfl.nu/xc7d
  Replies (7) Good night (520) Bad night (1194)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis

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  (360): Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis http://tfl.nu/354f
  Replies (2) Good night (850) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Peanut butter balls.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

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  (206): Peanut butter balls. (1-206): IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD http://tfl.nu/s2fd
  Replies (10) Good night (618) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.

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  (412): You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ. http://tfl.nu/sfn0
  Replies (5) Good night (1296) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.

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  (608): I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever. http://tfl.nu/xcdq
  Replies (10) Good night (1110) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  "DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.

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  (403): "DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT. http://tfl.nu/hmpm
  Replies (7) Good night (984) Bad night (226)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster

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  (612): Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster http://tfl.nu/akj8
  Replies (2) Good night (196) Bad night (314)

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