glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You were trust falling into bushes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...