Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
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Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?