Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
