Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
