Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it

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  (713): My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it http://tfl.nu/zhky
  Replies (109) Good night (1055) Bad night (4753)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..

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  (843): He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex.. http://tfl.nu/g01t
  Replies (17) Good night (5090) Bad night (660)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  "I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."

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  (440): "I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face." http://tfl.nu/mi59
  Replies (27) Good night (1217) Bad night (4198)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.

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  (727): In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up. http://tfl.nu/1vdz
  Replies (22) Good night (1023) Bad night (4417)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

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  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
  Replies (24) Good night (8332) Bad night (1567)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (6205) Bad night (1855)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.

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  (303): stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole. http://tfl.nu/0oq5
  Replies (13) Good night (4799) Bad night (1014)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.

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  (860): I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax. http://tfl.nu/od6q
  Replies (11) Good night (793) Bad night (2695)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.

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  (617): I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/pj90
  Replies (8) Good night (1201) Bad night (4066)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine

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  (586): We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine http://tfl.nu/mpc6
  Replies (15) Good night (2876) Bad night (1556)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.

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  (314): I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think. http://tfl.nu/izcd
  Replies (3) Good night (1126) Bad night (573)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.

  (607): View more from New York

  I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero

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  (719): And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot. (607): I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero http://tfl.nu/sawz
  Replies (2) Good night (1735) Bad night (397)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??

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  (610): So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night?? http://tfl.nu/qtcd
  Replies (2) Good night (896) Bad night (322)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.

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  (330): multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint. http://tfl.nu/lrrp
  Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (244)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.

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  (401): Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week. http://tfl.nu/pyo5
  Replies (4) Good night (226) Bad night (478)

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