We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
