Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
