Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
