dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
