I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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