If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
