I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
