My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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