it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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