she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
