so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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