you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
