This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
