I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize