What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wish there were birth control emojis
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
