I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
