Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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