tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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