Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
someone threw a dead crab at me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
