I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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