There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
