I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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