I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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