the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need water and some morals
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
