Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Found the puke drawer
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
