It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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