i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
