yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
