How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
