i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
