I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
