I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
