i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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