You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
