so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
