I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
