found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
