exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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