So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
