Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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