i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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