I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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