I would go down on you faster than GM stock
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
