So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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