Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
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lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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