you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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