the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
