apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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