Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
