I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
