Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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